Life's too short to brag about microcosm achievements.

Babar est un connard

dda — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 10:17:09 +0000

Et il veut nous faire travailler même pendant nos vacances (celles qu’on n’a de toute façon pas le droit de prendre…). Entendu au bureau par une personne basée là-bas :

Rien à cirer qu’ils soient en vacances les commerciaux ! Va falloir qu’ils s’occupent de la balance agée pendant leurs congés ! Sinon j’annule tous leurs congés !

À un collègue commercial :

C’est pas parce que vous êtes en congés que vous allez vous arrêter de bosser ! Ça va pas vous tuer de passer quelques coups de fil et de prendre des rendez-vous !

Email envoyé pendant la semaine où j’étais en congés après Vinexpo — semaine passée à la clinique pour faire des examens médicaux :

Veuillez absolument rappeler ce matin Mr. Babar ! Il a essayé de vous joindre à plusieurs reprises ces deux derniers jours.

Je pars en congés le 7 août au soir. Je laisse mon ordinateur à HK, et je vais laisser mon téléphone éteint. J’espère, ô je souhaite qu’il m’envoie un de ses emails fumants comme il aime les pondre sous le coup de la colère. Les prudhommes adoreront.

My worst and best experience with US Immigration

dda — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 05:49:32 +0000

Since I am in a very foul mood, and need a release of sorts, let me tell you this little experience I had with US Immigration, a long time ago. It was actually the first time I visited the US, and it cured me for quite a while. Cat. Curiosity. Dead. You know. Took me actually 10 years before I stepped again aboard a plane headed to the US. But anyway. Here’s what I happened.

I left Seoul Kimp’o airport (yeah, that story’s *that* old) on an Asiana flight (code-share with NWA) bound to Hawai’i. I was attending a conference on Asian Studies, and was staying at my friend and fellow crazy linguist Sasha’s place. As I said, first trip to the US. I only knew I didn’t need a visa. I didn’t even know the expression “Visa Waiver”. My English back then was good, I suppose, but still very academic, and British-influenced. Tom Clancy and consorts fixed that since, but, hey, I’m French, I started out with a huge handicap, aye?

Aboard the flight, the attendants were handing out long green immigration cards. Assuming I was a US citizen, they didn’t give me one. So I asked for one - I am not a US citizen. “Oh, okay!”. Handed me one of those green forms - the only kind they had. Important detail. I filled out the form, skipping the “Visa #” part - I’m French I don’t need/have a visa. kkthxbai.

Standing in line, I realize I’m in for a long wait. A long line of passengers ahead of me, all Korean, and not too many who speak English. There’s *one* Korean-American Immigration officer, who apparently speaks Korean, so that line is quick enough, the rest of the counters are slow. Next in line, I see that I will either be handled by a white lady, or a very angry looking Mexican. Well, I suppose he’s a US citizen, but he still looks like Zapata. And sure enough, with my luck, I get Zapata. Handlebar moustache, “Made in Tijuana” accent and bad temper all free of charge.

He looks at my form, my passport, my form, grumbles, lets me stew.

“Where is your visa?”
/me squints “I’m French, I don’t need a visa.”
“Don’t tell me what you need or don’t. You filled out a green form. If you want in on a visa waiver, you have to fill in the white form.”
“Wasn’t told. They had green forms on the plane. They gave me one. I filled it out.”
“Don’t give me that crap. All airlines have both forms.”
“Apparently Korean airlines don’t. Look around.”
“As I said don’t give me that crap. Now,” He throws back my passport, and a white form. “Get aside, fill this form, and wait.”

I think he wanted me to wait as long as he could possibly make it last, make me “pay” for my insolence or whatnot. Unfortunately, Pedro’s plans were foiled by one of his colleagues. I still laugh at the scene when I think about it.

Comes a HUGE black man, a colleague of his, probably senior to Zapata, since thereafter I didn’t hear a single word from His-Excellency-From-Tijuana. The giant, and I really mean Michael Jordan huge, I had to lift my head all the way back to look at him, says “Whassamatta?” Pedro grumbles something. “Where’s he from?” Grabs my passport. “Hey you’re French!” 1000 watt smile. Stop that officer, I don’t have my sunglasses.

“I just came back from the Loire Valley. Rented a boat, cruised the river for two weeks. Best holidays in my life!” I try to process what he’s saying. Like, you are telling me about your vacations? And I care because…? BECAUSE THE DUDE IS IN LOVE WITH YOUR COUNTRY AND GONNA LET YOU IN, DUMBASS. /me slaps self, mentally. We chat a bit, best pals. I never boated on the Loire river, but I sure am a fan now. NBA-dude deploys a crane, er, extends his arm, and grabs passport, form and stamp. Bang! Bang! “Welcome to the USA son!”. Glares at Pedro, then throws the stamp back on his counter. He escorts me to the luggage area, chatting with me while I wait for and pick up my bag, then again escorts me to the customs area. He nods to an officer, shakes my hand (Can I have my hand back? Intact? Now?) and sends me on my way. “Have a nice trip, son!”

That was surreal.

Yes or No

dda — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 09:00:00 +0000

Kissed any one of your Facebook friends?— no
Been arrested? — no
Kissed someone you didn’t like? — no
Slept in until 5 PM? — yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? — yes
Held a snake? — no
Ran a red light? — no
Been suspended from school? — no
Experienced love at first sight? — yes
Totaled your car in an accident? — no
Been fired from a job? — no
Fired somebody? — yes
Sang karaoke? — yes
Pointed a gun at someone? — no
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? — yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — yes
Kissed in the rain? — no
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — yes
Seen someone die? — no
Played spin-the-bottle? — no
Sang in the shower? — yes
Smoked a cigar? — no
Sat on a rooftop? — yes
Taken pictures of yourself nekkid? — no
Smuggled something into another country? — yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? — no
Broken a bone? — no, not one of mines anyways.
Skipped school? — yes!
Eaten a bug? — no
Sleepwalked? — no
Walked a moonlit beach? — yes
Rode a motorcycle? — yes
Dumped someone? — yes
Forgotten your anniversary? — no
Lied to avoid a ticket? — yes
Ridden on a helicopter? — no
Shaved your head? — yes
Blacked out from drinking? — yes!!!
Played a prank on someone? — yes
Hit a home run? — no
Felt like killing someone? — yes
Cross-dressed? — no
Been falling-down drunk? — yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — yes
Eaten snake? — no
Marched/Protested? — yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — yes
Puked on amusement ride? — no
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — no
Been in a band? — no
Knitted? — no
Been on TV? — no
Shot a gun? — yes
Skinny-dipped? — no
Gave someone stitches? — yes
Eaten a whole habanero pepper? — yes
Ridden a surfboard? — no
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? — yes
Had surgery? — yes
Streaked? — no
Taken by ambulance to hospital? — yes
Tripped on mushrooms? — no
Passed out when not drinking? — yes
Peed on a bush? — yes
Donated Blood? — no
Grabbed electric fence? — yes
Eaten alligator meat? — yes
Eaten cheesecake? — yes
Eaten your kids’ Halloween candy? — no
Killed an animal when not hunting? — yes
Peed your pants in public? — no
Snuck into a movie without paying? — no
Written graffiti? — yes
Still love someone you shouldn’t? — no
Think about the future? — no
Been in handcuffs? — no
Believe in love? — yes

Tagging Miss Xu, akka I only meow and purr, no scratch, JFA, aka L’autre Tortue , Kiran Denniz, aka Pukka Sahib, Dicey, aka I am either German or Pinay, and I have a Iron Fan™, iMorpheus, my Evil Twin™, kmlawson, aka I won’t stay in a single country longer than 6 months, Joey Lo, aka I will make up my mind on the 11th (no month mentioned)

I can haz 𨳒, preeze?

dda — Fri, 01 May 2009 16:53:01 +0000

Apparently, 𨳒 is in the Unicode (displays fine, aye?), but not in the Unihan database. This is a hongkongism — for 屌. And it’s not on my Mac — which is based on the Unicode… Hmph. (Actually, having 𨳒 in the permalink borked it. Grrr).

La suite des aventures de Babar

dda — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:35:04 +0000

La dernière oukaze du Jeffe : On n’a plus le droit d’accoler un RTT à des jours de congés payés, ou à un jour férié… Et ça à la suite de l’interdiction de prendre plus de deux semaines de vacances, et cela une seule fois par an, sinon une seule semaine à la fois. On se croirait en 1930…

First Conversation in Cantonese!

dda — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 11:19:35 +0000

During the wine dinner I organized yesterday at the Hong Kong Jockey Club, I had my first real-life conversation in Cantonese, with a member of the club and one of his guests. It was not very elaborate, and English came to the rescue often enough, but it did the job. I was very tired, and had I been in my right mind, I probably would have not dared to use my poor skills in such a posh venue, especially with so many people around.

But the mixture of sleep deprivation, euphoria and stress probably led me to bite the bullet. I have spent the whole week in China, so I felt, what da heck… I am glad I did, as the fellows I chatted with were very pleased. The problem now is that they invited me to Gwongjau, and they’ll expect me to repeat the feast…

Bug Bug Bug

dda — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 09:47:51 +0000

Une semaine après sa sortie, la version pré-Alpha du naviagteur mobile de Mozilla est confrontée à un bug qui empêche l’affichage des pages.

CNET has a spelling bug, too, that should prevent them to release articles, too, apparently…

A few odd things

dda — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 10:25:25 +0000

I flew back Friday evening to Hong Kong, from BOD, and during the CDG-HKG flight, there were a couple of oddities.

Announcements for the Chinese passengers were in Mandarin. No Cantonese. Big fat help.
The Chinese interpreter did not speak a single word of Cantonese — very useful on a plane full of Hongkongers.
The video to “help our arrival at Hong Kong International Airport” showed scenes from an anonymous, one-size-fits-all, airport (based on CDG). Big Fat Help.
The “Immigration & Customs” video was for Mainland China. The forms to fill out shown on the video were for Mainland China. Big Fat Help™…
The interpreter ended all her announcements (or rather her rendition in Chinese of other people’s) with “感谢(您的合作)”. 感谢 ganxie. Not 谢谢 xiexie.

Something that wasn’t odd on this flight — like all other Air France flights I’ve been on — is the rudeness of the staff and the dismal service. Lowering your expectations after flying with “normal” airlines like Cathay or Dragon Air is tough…

Where Am I? Updated

dda — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:54:55 +0000

Where Am I?

Encore un qui prend le Code du Travail pour une blague

dda — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:09:48 +0000

Je vous informe que vous ne pouvez prendre dans une même année qu’une seule fois 15 jours de congés d’affilée.

Pour les autres demandes de congés, 8 jours maximum d’affilée seront autorisés.

Ça, avec les 50 et quelques jours de congés par an, ça va pas être simples. Déjà qu’il m’en reste de 2008 alors que j’ai pris deux fois 4 semaines (gasp !) — alors une fois 2 semaines + 8 fois 1 semaine ça fait 9 mois où je vais prendre des vacances sur 12. Ou plutôt 11, vu que pour Janvier, c’est cuit. Ça va augmenter la productivité ça… Et quelque chose me dit que cette dernière circulaire est aussi illégale que les autres que j’ai reçues auparavant…